I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
