My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
