big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
