I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
