I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
