Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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