Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
