Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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