I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
