She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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