So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
