i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
