It's just like the Real World with babies
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
