census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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