I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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