Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
