he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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