i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
