I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We left the knife in your bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
