you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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