How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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