trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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