Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
