Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
