btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
