Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
