You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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