Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
