Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
