Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
