He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
