my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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