i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
