I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
