So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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