So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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