My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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