So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
