pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
