Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
