Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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