you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
