wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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