try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Best friends brother. Beat that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
