get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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