I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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