I just pynch a tree in the face
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
