u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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