Your mouth is God's brothel.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
