dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
