I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
