Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
